My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
