I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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