I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
