I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
