I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im having a threesome with these popsicles
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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