do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
