it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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