dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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