Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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