chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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