dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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