You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In other news, I just burned my penis
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
