my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry my hands just texted you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize