if you like me you must not know who I am
People in love make me want to vomit
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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