She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
