their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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