you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize