dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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