So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
