So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
