I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
