2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
