you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
