I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
