This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
