eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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