I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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