You just made me feel so damn special
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
