My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
