I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize