i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
