so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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