When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
