there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
