OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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