Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
