Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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