upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
