This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
