can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
