that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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