did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
