i just google imaged poop.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
