My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Actions speak louder than pants.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
