i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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