my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize