Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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