Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
