I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
