i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
