Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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