apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
