weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
