I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
