Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize