I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
