he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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