Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
