Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
