is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
