chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
