Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
