my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
