I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
