I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
