I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
