my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
