i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
