Soap is not a condiment
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
