yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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