I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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