OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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