mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
