My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
