i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
