I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
