Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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