So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
