I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You dont lie about slip and slides
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
