I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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