seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
