Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
