i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
