Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
